(no subject)

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ It's hard to imagine that after thirty years of life, anything would or even could change. The world will keep spinning, day will turn to night, you will sleep next to a woman you married, you will blink, breathe and carry on like the world will never change. Because you know it won't.

Then it kicks you in the arse and throws a spanner in the works

Gabe had lived the same day over, and over for a good thirty years. He woke up to his wife shouting something about work, or a shirt not being ironed or some other benign bullshit. He watched her go, did his chores and headed out. Every day the same.

He went to work for a few hours, driving trains from point A to B like he always did. He said hi to his few friends, giving them a big wave as he left to go to a job he actually loved. He walked through the doors at three pm every day, helping the local shelter care for a feed some stray dogs. They were the closest thing he had to children after all.

Before he could realise it, it was half seven and he was wandering home- every day the fucking same.

But not that day. Either age was getting to him, the moon, or well a lack of variety, Gabe took it upon himself to take some time for himself. Which lead him to some stupid chain coffee shop he'd usually avoid at all costs. He wandered in, letting the smells take him over as he leant on the counter, waiting for someone to- Well, not notice him, he was the size of a house, but get the time to serve him.

Once his order was done, he was sort of excited, tapping his fingers on the side as he waited. Sure it was find of a funny sight seeing a huge man being excited about hot chocolate, but any change from the day to day rigmarole was exciting!]

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[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe was struggling to look at Darryn thanks to his stupid moment, shaking his head a little ] //Yes, children do that, but I'm a full grown adult! I have no excuse for touching your face do I?//

[ He took a deep breath as he looked up at the man, his eyes trailing over the scar before he shook his head. He moved both his hands to rub his face, groaning against his palms.

What in the fuck was he doing... He sighed for a long moment before he stood up, giving Darryn a slow nod ]//I should go...//

[ He said that, but he made no effort to go ]

[darrynmiquiztli]

//Oh, no. Please don't go- or don't think you have to go.//

[Was that panic? Was Darryn panicking over the thought of Gabe going on bad terms? Or even less than that, just Gabe leaving? Gods, this was bad. Darryn should just let him go. Close this chapter before it got worse.

[I'll close it, he promised himself. I'll close it completely, but can I at least close it on a better note?

[He decided on that compromise with himself, standing up and smiling at Gabe, trying to keep it happy, not let any of his inner conflicting turmoil show] //Or at least if you want to go, let me get some take-out boxes so you can take some cake with you too? And I'll see you off home-- or not if you'd rather.//

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe stopped before he even tried to move, blinking at Darryn for a moment before he smiled ] //Take the cake for your family, okay? Give some to your husband//

[ He said that for his own benefit rather than for Darryn. He smiled as he took his cup, giving Darryn a slow nod in thanks ]//Thank you, for this i mean. Sorry i'm an idiot!//

[ He chuckled turning to leave ] I am t'stupidest fucker ever...

[darrynmiquiztli]

[There were so many things Darryn really wanted to do and say: Joking comments, reassurance, apologies. In the end though, he didn't know if he could. If Gabe felt that bad and awkward, Darryn wasn't really the kind of person to force him to do otherwise. Gods only knew he'd allowed Thanatos to walk out on him numerous times.

[Letting out a short but deep sigh, Darryn picked up his own drink, sipping it without tasting it. He needed to stop comparing Gabe to Thanatos. He wasn't his husband. Which was a huge part of the problem.

[He put down his drink and stood, leaving the table as it was and just dragging his coat back around him rather than refastening it as he followed his way out of the cafe. The cold hit him hard and uncomfortable, but not enough to make him turn back or realise his first instinct of letting Gabe leave was the more sensible one.

[It didn't take him long to catch up with Gabe's steps. He reached out, meaning to touch Gabe's arm and make some light comment. To say he was the one who'd just left four slices of cake behind, so he was clearly the idiot.

[Instead he grabbed Gabe's lapels, pulling himself close enough to feel the warmth of the other man through his clothes and banish the cold of the air from between them. Moving his face close enough that he could smell Gabe, feel his breath, see every mark, blemish and line on his face. Just barely managing to stop himself from kissing him, although he didn't know how he did.]

//... I don't know what I'm doing... sorry. I shouldn't do this.//

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe had been expecting to go home, be shouted at by the wife again, and then get back to the monotonous pace that was his life...

He should have shoved Darryn back, walked away, let it all go and forgotten about it all. He should have.

But he didn't.

He wrapped his hands around Darryn's coat, pulling him as close as he could, almost frowning at the man as he did ] No, we really shuldn't...

[ His brain was on auto-piolet by then, which may explain why instead of letting go, he pushed forward, pressing his lips against Darryn's. God's above he felt every nerve in his body flare then, heat rushing through him like the world finally made sense. Like he was finally alive and all it took was Darryn ]

[darrynmiquiztli]

[Almost every thought completely fled from Darryn's mind apart from the word 'more'.

[He clutched harder at Gabe's jacket with one hand, the other - gloveless and cold for him - gripping hard at the back of Gabe's head, holding him in place, trying to keep him in this moment, in his life.

[With a quiet moan, Darryn parted his lips sliding his tongue across Gabe's mouth, shivering somewhere in his core at how the taste made him feel. Then he slid his tongue into Gabe's mouth, trying to press himself closer still. Wanting to crush himself entirely into the other man's body. Become absolutely one with him.]

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabes mind was filled to the brim with Darryn then- Every sensation, smell, touch and taste was flooding all corners of his mind till there was nothing left but Darryn.

He ended up tangling both his hands through Darryn's hair, holding the man still to stop him moving, knowing he would keep him there forever if he could.

He groaned into their kiss, pressing his body against Darryn's before he ran his tongue across the blondes, tasting him for a moment as he tried to find a way to get closer. Which was removing one had from Darryn's hair, placing it at the bottom of his spine to pull their bodies so close the only thing between them was clothing.

Even that was too much between them ]

[darrynmiquiztli]

[There was a way to get a little less space between them, Darryn sliding his inner thigh up Gabe's thigh. Curling his leg over Gabe's hip. Moaning again against Gabe's mouth as he used that leverage to pull himself close as he could to him.

[He curled his tongue against Gabe's, not caring how messy the kissing got. Only that it continued. Darryn didn't want to stop to breathe, didn't want to move anywhere but closer. If he did either of those things he would have to face up to the fact they were on the street. Or that they were married, not to each other.]

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe very quickly grabbed onto Darryn's thigh, pressing his fingers against his leg as he barely pressed his own hips towards Darryn's. He really couldn't deal with any of their clothes then but damn it, he couldn't move away either.

He moaned into their kiss, scratching at Darryn's scalp as he pushed up with his own tongue, massaging it against the other man's. He wanted more noises out of him, he wanted to hear him moan again, he wanted so much more than just that...

Their settings had eluded him by then. He forgot they were outside, he forgot people existed, he forgot he was married to a woman who was sat at his home, he forgot the man he was kissing was married too, he forgot Darryn had children. He forgot everything but that uncontrollable need to be close to Darryn ]

[darrynmiquiztli]

[Gabe was going to get more noises out of Darryn, the blonde moaning and whimpering with every twist, curl and thrust of his tongue against Gabe's and into his mouth. Pushing his hips hard against Gabe in his desperation to feel the other man's want for him.

[He cupped Gabe's jaw, his fingers sliding back against Gabe's earlobes and neck, his thumbs moving across his cheeks. The planes of his face felt so familiar despite him never holding him before. The bite of stubble and beard into his palms felt so burningly good. The hair at the nape of Gabe's neck against Darryn's fingertips was so strangely nostalgic.

[And at the same time all of that was wrong. So very opposed to any kisses of passion he'd had in far too many years. So very obviously not Thanatos

[Darryn dropped his hands to Gabe's shoulders, forcing himself to break off the kiss. Dropping his head down so he didn't have to look at Gabe and wouldn't be tempted to just kiss him again. Trying his best to pull away although his gravity seemed to want to just flow back into Gabe, breathlessly apologising.]

//I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.//

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe was so wound up in Darryn, that when he pulled away, he honestly whined, clawing at the man to keep him closer.

When he spoke, the world came rushing back to him, his own wife, Darryn's husband, the lives they had... He swallowed hard as he untangled his hands from Darryn, taking a very long step back. Once he did, he felt so cold- Colder than he ever had before. His heart physically hurt in his chest, and he felt hollow.

God what the hell was all that. Every nerve in his body as pulling back to Darryn, straining all the muscles in his body and screaming "Get back to him!" ] Fuckin' god...

//I'm sorry, i don't know what came over me...// [ He told his feet to move, he told them to walk home and that he would never look back, that would be an odd moment in his life. But he felt like gravity was holding him still ]

[darrynmiquiztli]

[Without Gabe there against him, Darryn wasn't sure what was holding him up anymore. He wanted to just drop down into a ball, wrap his arms over his head and cry. Cry from losing something he'd only momentarily had, cry from sick twisting guilt and self hatred, cry from somewhere deep inside himself he hadn't noticed was lacking before.

[He couldn't do that, but he didn't know what else to do. He felt stuck. So stuck that for a moment he was so far back in his lifetime, back when he was mortal and emotions had left him empty and alone. When people with their happy lives filtered past like sand in the wind while he was left standing stuck, still, trapped. Ten years old and dead while walking around; suddenly endless years later and he was right back there. In that old emotionless emotion. Like a horribly familiar blanket.

[Darryn realised he'd stopped breathing, and forced himself to take a breath. Forced himself back into THIS moment he had fucked up.]

//Its not your fault. I'm sorry. I should know better. I should...// [Go. That's what he needed to say. That he should go. Except he looked up and saw Gabe again.

[He grabbed at Gabe's coat again, moving back, rounding them around the side of the building. Slamming himself against the wall and pulling Gabe against him before he even caught what he was doing.]

//You should stop me.//

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ It took all of Gabe strength not to reach out and just touch Darryn's cheek, ask if he was okay, try to comfort him in any way.

He felt like that was mostly his fault, mostly him causing such pain across his face. God almighty he was beautiful but that look, that blankness made his heart hurt more than being away from him, because he felt like he made that happen-

Darryn's words pulled him from the little pool of hate he was in, shaking his head ] //I should know better too... I shouldn't have done that too you.//

[ "I shouldn't want to keep doing that..." was the part he left off that comment.

Though the world seemed to have other plans, before he could take a breath be found himself leaning towards Darryn, a new scene around them as he leant on of his hands against the brick behind them, his eyes fixed on Darryn's ]

//I can't stop, you need to stop me Darryn... If i kiss you again i know i won't be able to stop... You need to tell me to go and walk away, you need to tell me what you want before i do what i want with you//

[darrynmiquiztli]

[Darryn closed his eyes, biting his lip and trying to hold back the moan that those words made rise up in him. They made him feel so utterly weak and needing, so absolutely needed and strong.]

//I- I need...// ["You. I need you." It was exactly what he felt but Gods it was as much the wrong answer as the right one. He couldn't tell Gabe to stop, because he didn't want him to. He wanted nothing more than to do all the wrong things with Gabe. He couldn't get Gabe to stop, because he wanted to do all the right things to Darryn.

[There was one final thing though. He could make Gabe stop by telling him the truth about himself. It would make him think Darryn was insane, but it would stop him because of that.

[He opened his eyes, pushing the words out on a breath.] //I'm not human.//

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe groaned under his breath hearing Darryn say 'I need-'. Even if he never finished speaking he loved that sound, that 'need' Darryn was going to tell him about. He needed to know what he wanted then.

He was about to ask but then Darryn spoke- Three words. Three words that should have changed everything, made him run, made him never look back, but they didn't.] //Neither am i...//

[ He flicked his over Darryn's face, watching his mouth before looking back at his eyes- It was like Darryn could rip him apart with a glance, find every inch of him and make it his own. He felt like with the man's eyes alone, he could be broken down and brought down to his knees ]//Tell me what you need Darryn. Tell me you need me to stop, tell me you need me to go and never look back... Tell me we're married and we can't do this-//

[darrynmiquiztli]

[Well fuck. The failsafe had utterly failed. It just figured that the only person to drive him to this level of utter longing wasn't human either. Darryn had to laugh, although it was entirely without humour. Almost close to tears and distraught.

[He tightened his fingers on Gabe's coat, just so that he didn't let it go and touch his face and skin. He knew he couldn't stop himself if he did that. He tried to hold Gabe's gaze as long as he could, tried to build up the resolve to do what they both knew needed to be done, or say any of those things being given to him but his throat felt dry.

[He closed his eyes and dropped his head, pressing his forehead against Gabe's sernam even though he knew it was a bad idea. It overwhelmed him with the smell of him, the heat of him, the way he needed him.]

//I can't// [Darryn whispered.] //I can't do this to you. I can't do this to him. Please. I want you so much, but please don't make me hurt you like this.//

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe groaned, digging his fingers into the brick behind them as he watched Darryn seem to roll through emotions, watching him try to make a choice about this all.

He knew he needed to walk away from this all, he knew he did but he couldn't. Gravity put him there, the whole world had shifted for them to meet and now they had to drag themselves away from it. He whined when Darryn's head fell on him, the scent of the man filling his head with a dizzying drunkness he couldn't shake ]

//Then let go...//[ He was almost begging then ] //Push me away, let go of me and walk away because Darryn i can't. And if you don't i'm going to kiss you again, only i really won't let you walk away this time.

I don't want to hurt you either, but i can't make you let go//

[darrynmiquiztli]

[Darryn gritted his teeth rather than collapse into tears. He tried to focus on the begging in Gabe's tone rather than the words, tried to hear it as Gabe needing him to stop, hoping he could obey that.

[But he knew if he looked up at him he'd just kiss him again. He knew he couldn't believe that honestly, because he knew Gabe wanted him as much as he wanted Gabe.

[He opened his eyes and looked down Gabe's body to the floor at their feet. Then he focused on his hands clasped around Gabe's lapels. On the suns marked there under his skin. Five on each hand.

[His children were the only reason he let go, pushing himself up straight and pressing his hands back against the wall behind him. He turned his head up, looking at the wall of the building opposite rather than Gabe, just in case any looks weakened his resolve.

[He opened his mouth but couldn't say anything, closing it again with a shaky sigh.]

[lollipopsandwhisky]

[ Gabe felt like all the air had been ripped from his lungs when Darryn back away. He swallowed hard before he nodded, moving back from Darryn. He knew he needed to do that, he needed to move away.

And that's what he was doing.

He took a step back till he hit the building opposite them, giving Darryn a slow nod as a broken smile moved over his face ] //Good lad...//

[ He shook his head before he said anything else, simply turning with a "Sorree" as he walked away. And that time he was determined to make it home ]