lollipopsandwhisky | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ It's hard to imagine that after thirty years of life, anything would or even could change. The world will keep spinning, day will turn to night, you will sleep next to a woman you married, you will blink, breathe and carry on like the world will never change. Because you know it won't.

Then it kicks you in the arse and throws a spanner in the works

Gabe had lived the same day over, and over for a good thirty years. He woke up to his wife shouting something about work, or a shirt not being ironed or some other benign bullshit. He watched her go, did his chores and headed out. Every day the same.

He went to work for a few hours, driving trains from point A to B like he always did. He said hi to his few friends, giving them a big wave as he left to go to a job he actually loved. He walked through the doors at three pm every day, helping the local shelter care for a feed some stray dogs. They were the closest thing he had to children after all.

Before he could realise it, it was half seven and he was wandering home- every day the fucking same.

But not that day. Either age was getting to him, the moon, or well a lack of variety, Gabe took it upon himself to take some time for himself. Which lead him to some stupid chain coffee shop he'd usually avoid at all costs. He wandered in, letting the smells take him over as he leant on the counter, waiting for someone to- Well, not notice him, he was the size of a house, but get the time to serve him.

Once his order was done, he was sort of excited, tapping his fingers on the side as he waited. Sure it was find of a funny sight seeing a huge man being excited about hot chocolate, but any change from the day to day rigmarole was exciting!]

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//Well, some people suit a black eye, I guess. I know a tom-boy who definitely does.//

[As he walked past Gabe, he almost felt something like a static shock. It was like when they had shaken hands. That kind of spark. God but he didn't want a spark. He told Charon often enough that 'sparks' didn't happen. Besides which he was really happy with his husband. He did not have a crush. He was flirting.

[Darryn smiled his thanks, brushing away that feeling and those thoughts, removing his gloves.] //Not a fan; did the fifteen layers of coats and scarves tip you off?//

[ Gabe felt it too, this almost uncontrollable urge to reach out and touch Darryn's face, trace his fingers across his cheekbones, down the side of his nose and to his lips. The urge to run his thumb over the man's lips, taking in how soft they were before shovin-...

He shook his head rather violently, getting the mental image out his head before he had to smile at Darryn, acting like he was listening and caring about his words ] //It was the fact that you called it cold! It's barely mild yet!!//

//Oh, trust me. It's cold. If you felt me, you'd understand.// [Could he not? Could he really NOT be that flirty? Darryn took off his hat and just utterly changed the subject before that could be reflected upon by himself.] //Did you want a cake, or sandwich with your hot chocolate?//

[ Perhaps luckily for Darryn, Gabe took that comment rather innocently, holding his hand out to Darryn ] //Are you really that warm? I'm always cold, but my mum used to say "Cold hands, warm heart!"//

[ He chuckled to himself, shaking his head at the stupid comment. His mother said some odd things he had to admit ]//Uh, Cake if you don't mind! Maybe a slice of whatever you get. You seem to have a good taste!// [ He was referring to the cakes Darryn got his children last time ]

//I am pretty much an expert on cake, so you have the right idea with that.// [Darryn agreed with a smile.]

//I'm always really warm, so I guess by that logic I'm pretty cold hearted.// [His smile turned playful.] //Believe that?//

[When Gabe offered his hand, Darryn hesitated because he really wanted to touch him. Almost bordering on desperately. And he knew that was not a thing he should really indulge himself in. Still after the moment's hesitation he did press the back of his left hand against the back of Gabe's hand. Even without his glow, he had more than enough sunlight heat in him to prove the point.]

//I thought it was a safe bet!// [ He chuckled, only to roll his eyes to himself. ]

//No i don't, but she also used to say "Never trust a spinning mouse, you don't know where it's going" so I think she was a wee bit mad!//

[ Gabe watched Darryn's hand touch his, almost shocked by the static he felt running over his skin- what in the good name of fuck was all that. He tried to push it away, but instead he ended up turning his hand, almost cupping Darryn's hand in his ]

//God almighty you are hot...// [ He had no idea if he was talking in general, or about the heat off Darryn's skin ]

Edited 2016-10-16 21:47 (UTC)

[Darryn almost didn't hear Gabe's words, sure blood was rushing to his ears, sure heat was rising in his cheeks. He needed a moment to take a slow breath, remind himself that he wasn't flirting. This wasn't a date. He wasn't attracted to this wide-built, tall, Irish man gently holding his hand.]

//Yeah... That's me all over.// [He was embarrassed at how quiet and breathless he sounded, and cleared his throat forcing a smile again. Forcing himself to pull his hand free.] //You want to find a seat and I'll get the drinks?//

[ Gabe felt his heart pounding in his chest, it seeming to thump all the way up to his throat as his skin was on Darryn's. What was that...

He kept his eyes on Darryn's face for a moment till, once again, he realised the blonde was making words- Fuck what was he saying. ] Yer wot?

[Fuck- No//Sorry! Yeah, I'll find a table// [ He barely smiled as he found them a little couch to occupy- Maybe that was a bad idea.... He shifted quickly to a little table with some seats. Maybe space between them was better if he couldn't control himself ]

[At least Darryn hoped that getting the drinks and cake would give him enough time to calm down. To re-evaluate things.

[The problem was he didn't really know what he was DOING to re-evaluate things. This was not innocent on his part, that was clear, but it was supposed to be. So why did he keep getting these dizzying flirty feelings? He was very happy in his life.

[So why did he suddenly feel like there was a hole in it Gabe could fill?

[He let out a slow breath and then carried the drinks and cakes to the table Gabe had chosen, smiling as if he wasn't internally stressed.] //Not all this cake is for you. Don't feel like I'm forcing you into eating five slices of cake.//

[ Gabe was sat there, playing scenarios out in his head as to why he wanted to touch Darryn so much, or why he felt like if he was within two feet of him he would be unable to do anything but kiss him till they couldn't breathe and their lips were sore and red-

He groaned, thumping his head against the table a few times, trying to remove the imagine from his mind. Once he seemed fine he sat up, not realising he put a lovely red mark on his forehead.

When Darryn finally approached the table, he smiled, nodding about the cake ]//I could eat that much but that might just be rude!//[ He chuckled his words, trying to seem normal- as much as he wasn't ]

//I don't know, I think not eating is more impolite than eating what's there.// [He didn't know if he made that comment to try and remind himself of his husband or not. Maybe to find the one tiny course of contention in their marriage and justify this to himself. Gods. His mind was a mess right then and there.]

//Anyway, since I'm buying your forgiveness, I don't mind sharing half of each piece with you, if you'd rather.// [Darryn sat, plates nicely arranged on the table, hot chocolates done the way the coffee shop girls knew he liked them - with everything. There wasn't enough heat for him to remove his coat, but he did unbutton it and did loosen the scarf he had, leaving it loose around his neck. Comfortable, relaxed, not an absolute fucking tool flirting with some random human who seemed to spark him.]

[ Gabe chuckled as he nodded about the cakes. He needed to keep his mind calm and not freak out about everything. He knew this was innocent, he knew it was. And he was going to keep it innocent ] // If you want me to eat it that much, maybe you could feed me some?//

[....INNOCENT YOU FUCKING IDIOT. He bit back at groan at his words, giving Darryn a very, very nervous chuckle as he tried to play it off as a joke ] //I'm kidding, mind!//

[ God he was so fucking stupid... he needed not to make stupid comments, he needed not to want to kiss that guy, he needed so much not to want to be close to the man across the table from him- he needed to stop thinking... ]

[Darryn smiled in total acceptance of Gabe's telling him it was a joke.

[And then found himself picking up the fork and cutting a corner from the nearest cake - carrot cake, moist and nutty. He learnt over the table just a little, proffering the taste of cake.]

//Anything you want.// [He said with a small smile on his lips as he kept his eyes on Gabe's. He felt the absolute calmness in his face and didn't understand it against the rushing beating in his chest. The confused guilt worming in his stomach.

[Gods, what was he doing? Why couldn't he stop?]

[ Gabe blinked at the offer, kind of shocked that Darryn went for that... He gave the blonde a small smile as he leant forward, happily taking the cake off the fork.

Something about being fed like that made the cake taste all the sweeter- ] //Anything eh? Don't give me an open choice like that, you might not like what i asked for//

[ Okay, he needed to stop now. There was playful flirting then there was 'I want to fuck you' flirting. And he knew he was crossing that line. He cleared his throat as he sat back, rubbing along his own jaw to try and pull himself back from everything ]//Sorry, That was terrible to say- I don't know what's wrong with me lately! I'm really sorry Darryn//

//I don't think you could make me do anything I didn't like.// [Darryn answered as he turned the fork, breaking off some cake for himself, closing his eyes briefly as he enjoyed the flavour in his mouth.]

//Its okay. I don't take offence to it. After all, we both know what we're doing, right?// [Gods, Darryn wished he knew what he was doing. He DID know where they stood though... kind of. Just two married men. Sharing cakes.]

[ Gabe took in a deep breath, nodding as if to agree, and shake the moment off himself. This wasn't like him, flirting and hiding-

But he didn't want to stop ] //I guess we do, we can always stop, if you want to//

[ He gave Darryn a small grin before he winked at him- Wait, why the fuck did he wink, what the hell was he doing?! ]

[Darryn felt his heart almost stop for a moment. Like the world dropped entirely away and then rushed back onto him with a faster heartbeat and warmer feeling under his skin. Gods, that wink and that smile combined... He almost felt like climbing over the table, grabbing Gabe by the collar and kissing him, deeply, endlessly.

[He turned the fork, taking another slow bite of cake, trying to calm down.]

//Well, I DID get the hot chocolate in take-away cups, so we can always storm out if we offend each other.//

[ Gabe watch Darryn for a moment, not in a bad way, but in almost innocent curiosity. He couldn't understand the constant need to reach out and just slowly draw his fingers down the side of Darryn's face, the need to lay his hand softly against his cheek and trail his thumb over the man's cheek bone. He could barely know himself back, only hand holding onto the table like if he let go he would float away, the other clinging to his hot chocolate for dear life.

He cleared his throat, taking a rather big drink before he looked up at Darryn again. Those feelings were getting harder to hold back ]//I doubt you could offend me, but if i upset you, feel free to give me a slap!//

[ He chuckled, mindlessly tapping his fingers against the bruise around his eye. For a moment, it took his mind of touching Darryn ]

Edited 2016-10-20 14:26 (UTC)

//Well, you know, it doesn't look like you need me to give you any slaps. Unless you want evening out.// [It was a joke, but he didn't really smile as he said it. He wanted to make that bruise go away, make it never have been there. But more than that he wanted to ignore it.]

//But don't worry, I'm not about to smack you around Gabe. Don't let this fool you, I'm a gentle enough person.// [He gestured to the scar on his face loosely before he cut more cake and offered the fork towards Gabe again.] //Just one heck of a shaving accident// [He joked, this time with a more natural smile.]

[ Gabe watched Darryn as he spoke, following his lips, hands, eyes- everything he could take in, he did.

Though that laps in mind ended up with Gabe raising his hand, barely touching his fingertips against Darryn's scar on his face. Almost instantly he felt the heat of his skin beneath his fingers, the smooth ridge of the skin as his fingers drifted across the scar on his nose-....

When Gabe snapped back to reality, he realised he was pretty much leaning over a table to touch a random mans face. His own cheeks, face, ears and even neck flushed bright red as he sat down, sitting on both his hands before he stared at the table ] Am a fuckin' ejiot....

//Sorry about that- I don't know what in the world possessed me to do that. Fuck, i'm sorry//

[It had taken almost everything in Darryn not to lean in to that touch, even as surprising as it had been. He was frozen in place, still leaning, still offering cake, still wide-eyed in surprise.

[Still thinking and feeling things that he as a happily married man should NOT have been thinking and feeling. Gods, he was the worst. He was the worst person ever right now.

[Darryn made himself close his eyes and take a slow exhale before smiling.] //Its fine. I have a few others you can check out if you want?//

[Okay NOW he was the worst.] //I mean, you'd be surprised how many kids do that to me.//

[ Gabe was struggling to look at Darryn thanks to his stupid moment, shaking his head a little ] //Yes, children do that, but I'm a full grown adult! I have no excuse for touching your face do I?//

[ He took a deep breath as he looked up at the man, his eyes trailing over the scar before he shook his head. He moved both his hands to rub his face, groaning against his palms.

What in the fuck was he doing... He sighed for a long moment before he stood up, giving Darryn a slow nod ]//I should go...//

[ He said that, but he made no effort to go ]

//Oh, no. Please don't go- or don't think you have to go.//

[Was that panic? Was Darryn panicking over the thought of Gabe going on bad terms? Or even less than that, just Gabe leaving? Gods, this was bad. Darryn should just let him go. Close this chapter before it got worse.

[I'll close it, he promised himself. I'll close it completely, but can I at least close it on a better note?

[He decided on that compromise with himself, standing up and smiling at Gabe, trying to keep it happy, not let any of his inner conflicting turmoil show] //Or at least if you want to go, let me get some take-out boxes so you can take some cake with you too? And I'll see you off home-- or not if you'd rather.//

[ Gabe stopped before he even tried to move, blinking at Darryn for a moment before he smiled ] //Take the cake for your family, okay? Give some to your husband//

[ He said that for his own benefit rather than for Darryn. He smiled as he took his cup, giving Darryn a slow nod in thanks ]//Thank you, for this i mean. Sorry i'm an idiot!//

[ He chuckled turning to leave ] I am t'stupidest fucker ever...

[There were so many things Darryn really wanted to do and say: Joking comments, reassurance, apologies. In the end though, he didn't know if he could. If Gabe felt that bad and awkward, Darryn wasn't really the kind of person to force him to do otherwise. Gods only knew he'd allowed Thanatos to walk out on him numerous times.

[Letting out a short but deep sigh, Darryn picked up his own drink, sipping it without tasting it. He needed to stop comparing Gabe to Thanatos. He wasn't his husband. Which was a huge part of the problem.

[He put down his drink and stood, leaving the table as it was and just dragging his coat back around him rather than refastening it as he followed his way out of the cafe. The cold hit him hard and uncomfortable, but not enough to make him turn back or realise his first instinct of letting Gabe leave was the more sensible one.

[It didn't take him long to catch up with Gabe's steps. He reached out, meaning to touch Gabe's arm and make some light comment. To say he was the one who'd just left four slices of cake behind, so he was clearly the idiot.

[Instead he grabbed Gabe's lapels, pulling himself close enough to feel the warmth of the other man through his clothes and banish the cold of the air from between them. Moving his face close enough that he could smell Gabe, feel his breath, see every mark, blemish and line on his face. Just barely managing to stop himself from kissing him, although he didn't know how he did.]

//... I don't know what I'm doing... sorry. I shouldn't do this.//